The Jungle of the S E X Lemon
by Harmonian Zutarian
Summary: The lemon in her is no sex really, and not incest either, you know it.
1. Chapter 1

**This story is called "The Jungle of the S. E. X. Lemon"**

**Hey guys! Please R&R okay? Unless you just want it to be one just chappie!**

**Warnings: the sex and the swearing but theirs really no sex be all in this, except for the words, and then there is.**

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**End Author Notes**

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Edward had finally broken that window that kept him out of the girl's room. The girl was Bella.

Before then, he could only stare from OUTSIDE the window (get it, outside?) but he broke the window and flew into the room on his little bat-wings of delight.

Bella woke up and saw what she had always wanted; Edward, standing there, beginning to permanate into nude mode as his man-carrot was beared before her.

Bells woke up fully and said, "Hey, you know I want IT right now, you slow, slow boy."

Edwardpie thought carefully. He knew what IT was, yes he did. He had read the books ages ago. They had diagrams in them that looked kind of like cow's heads, and they said that if you were a soldier you got VD from happy-time girls, but only if you don't wear a man-carrot hyper-helmet.

Bells said, "Yes"

Her tuna orchard was soaked with girl-honey. The scent of it filled the room as if a thousand mad bumblebees had all gone crazy in the walls and made that there secret home.

Bella cried out to Edward, and he answered in answering moans. The conversation of erotic noises lasted back and forth, back and forth, for hours upon hours, until well after sundown when the RedBootton wouldn't sparkle any more.

She showed him her crazy area, and he showed her the full, manly spread of his RedBootton.

She said, "Edward, I want you to merge your RedBootton with my Joy Button, and then we'll do the rocking horse dance."

His baby-maker was already leaking and weeping from it's head, drops of creamy white ranch dressing.

He approached her, and together they made a Caesar Salad, soaked through with ranch dressing and honey, with man-carrots and yummy, yummy tuna. It was full of tossing, up and down, up and down, and the folded leaves of her woman-lettuce went everywhere.

Right in the middle of the dense action and the pounding shake, before they could make the unicorns they craved so very, very much, Bella's dad walked in on them.

His eyes dropped out of his skull and he said, "What the hell kind of mother fucking salad is this, you immoral twits!"

Edwardpie said, "It is just a Caesar salad."

Bella's dad said, "Oh" and then he helped them carry the salad down to the kitchen, where they all three ate it.

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**Begin Author Note**

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**Hey, so should there be more chapters? Please review so I can improve my writing, okay guys?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! I got 5 reviews on just the first chapterr! Everyone luvs me so much and wants me to keep writing! Well, a couple people were a little bit mean but they never said to stop writing!**

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**End Author's Notes**

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Jacob was in the forest (cuz you know he's a werewolf, right?) and practicing his kung-fu moves.

A bat flew down and landed right next to a log that was next to a mushroom that was next to a cat that was next to Jacob.

The bat turned into Edward.

Jacob said, "Peace out, bro, but I think your RedBootton is showing"

Edwardpie said, "No, it's not."

Jacob said, "Look at that sparkle! Don't tell me that's not a RedBootton."

Edward said, "Okay, maybe it is a RedBootton, but I only use it in ways that are totally legitimate in accordance with the Comics Code of 1954, the Communications Decency Act of 1996, the Video Game Decency Act, Executive Order 13233, the Maryland State Board of Censors of 1916, the California Assembly Bills 1792 & 1793, The Comstock Act of 1873 and furthermore all uses of the word 'hell' have been replaced by ducks."

Jacob said, "What the motherducking duck are you talking about?"

Edward said, "Salads, apparently."

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**Begin Author Note**

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**Okay, there is a puzzle cryptogram included in the words.**

**Also, people told me to not to review them any longer, so I will respect everyone's wishes and no more reviews from me, okay?**

**I love everyone in the whole world!**


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